When posting a political comment on Facebook, one is required to start such comment by saying, “I am aware that I am not going to change anyone’s mind on any topic, ever, but here is my opinion anyway…”


It is perfectly acceptable to disregard one’s health and eat junk food every Friday. In fact, every meal, including breakfast, should be followed by dessert.

You are hereby notified that electronic cigarettes are annoying and stupid. Either smoke or dont smoke, but dont pretend to smoke.

If a person has responded “What?” three times in a row, both parties are required to nod their heads and walk away.

#Hashtags do not work on Facebook. #stopit

If a man has a noticeable amount of male pattern baldness he is disallowed from securing his remaining hair in a ponytail.

A man cannot insert his hand into another mans pant pocket, under any circumstance, especially if he has been given permission to do so.

When standing in line you must maintain half a body length between you and the person in front of you. If you are closer, you annoy the person in front of you; If you are further, you annoy the person behind you.


If you are too positive too often, your positivity becomes annoying to others, and at that point, your excess positivity is actually negativity.

In the same way that light cannot exist without darkness, positivity cannot exist without negativity.  Being negative a little more often will increase the net effect of your positivity.

It is absolutely unacceptable for a straight man to have a spa day in lieu of, or as part of, a bachelor party.

If you attend this aforementioned day spa themed bachelor party you are endorsing and enabling the highest level of non-masculinity. You must not attend this event.